You know what I did today? Absolutely nothing! You wanna know why? Because I'm lazy but you know what? It felt really good! lol! It's been nothing but cold and snowy here since Thursday and frankly it sucks!
So I've been having some trouble sleeping here lately, so it gives me some extra time to write in my blog and get some things out of my system. Why have I been having trouble sleeping you ask? That is a very good question and I wish I had to answer to it but I don't. I haven't been going to bed until 5 am and I won't tell you what time I've been getting up. I don't sleep mainly because I can't get my brain to shut up, I just lay there and think of everything from A to Z and before I know it it's like 4 am. I've been going through some things lately and I think that has to be a big part of it. I've debated on whether or not to put it out there for the world to see and I thought to myself why not? Maybe someone else has been through something similar and can't help me sort out the pieces of my heart.
So, let me break it down in a nut shell the best I can. I was with this man for 3 years. 1 and half of those years we were together and for a 6 month period we didn't talk at all. So, we startred to talk again late last year and things we not very good, at least on my end. Oh, I forgot the best part he lives about 230 miles away from me, fun fun huh? So, during the 6 months of no talking he took upon himself to find someone "better." And that was all fine and dandy (not really) . So, after starting to talk again I was in total agony because he was with someone else and I had to play the "friend." Now, I was used to the drive, I could handle that. The one thing I couldn't handle was being "the other woman." Which is what my role inevitably came. I wasn't happy with myself for letting things happen that way, but I loved him so I dealt with it. The kicker came when he was going through one of his "break-ups" with his current girlfriend and I would come running because I believed that this time he was really gonna leave and we would finally be together. Yeah, that was a great thought, but it nothing more than a mirage. You know why? After traveling all of those miles, he left me in a hotel room to go back to her. Mind you, I was out in the middle of nowhere and I had no way to get back home. And no, I don't own a GPS. I was absolutely beside myself with anger. The next morning he came back and showed me how to get home. So, I was upset for a very long time and vowed that I would never go back up there again. Do you think that happened? Nope! Stupid me, he says he wants to move into together so what do I do? You guessed it, I packed up all of my stuff and prepared to move up there with him (because this time they had broken up for good). Guess what happens this time? He tells me, that he's changed his mind and he doesn't think it's a good idea anymore. Guess where I was? In the middle of nowhere with no idea how to get home. Now, before you jump the gun and say "Man, this chick is an idiot!" Let me tell you something, I believe in unconditional love. I never thought in a million years he had the capacity to do these things to me, but he did them. I never. ever realized how unhappy I was until I had time to reflect on these things. I'll admit it, I was stupid and I was naive, but I learned a very valuable lesson. I know now that I could have lassoed the moon for him and it still wouldn't have him happy. But trying to make him happy was killing me. So, it was a catch 22. Anyhoo, enough about my love life. It's really not that interesting. This was more like some sort of therapy for me to just blurt everything out that I've been holding it. So, I may write more tomorrow. Hasta Leugo!