7 Pounds & Then Some.

So I just watched 7 Pounds with Will Smith and Rasario Dawson in it. Omigosh, it was sooo good but so sad! I would highly recommend seeing this movie. Let me give you the jist of it. It's about this guy who lost his wife in a car accident and he blames himself for her death because he was texting while driving. So, he becomes super depressed and takes his brother's identity who is an IRS officer. This is part of his cure all plan, he selected 7 people based on his own requirements. One of the people he meets is a woman in which whom he falls in love with, but she has congential heart failure and she's on the waiting list for a heart. They give her a beeper and when her beeper goes off they have a donor for her. Last night they were together, it was so sweet but so sad. He was so deeply depressed that he wouldn't pull himself out of it. See, his big plan was to find 7 people who needed help in a living changing way. And the way he changed their life was to take his, and donate his organs to them. He takes his own life and her beeper goes off, and my waterworks started! But such a good movie, I can't stress that enough!
Anyways on to some lighter and brighter news, my Medical Terminology class is kicking my booty! There's a lot and I mean a lot of work involved to remember all these terms and what they mean. And on top of it we have to translate doctor's orders into Lahmen's terms and write things in medical terms. I think all of this information is going to start leaking out of my ears pretty soon, there's too much up there spinning around!
So, we got some snow, and ice, then more snow. Sound like fun? Believe me, it made my day! Not really, I don't understand how when we get a little bit of weather people lose all common sense and they forget how to drive. I seriously think today was ride my buns day. That's what I've dubbed it as, ride my buns day, has a nice ring to it huh?
I'm trying to wait patiently for New Moon to come out on DVD but I think that time is intentionally going slow to torture me. And yes, I am a big Twilight fan. I'm on Team Edward for anyone who's wondering. You know what's funny though? I think Robert Pattinson is super cute as Edward but I don't find him attractive as himself, lol. Am I nuts or is there anyone else out there that thinks that too? When I went to go see New Moon in the movie theaters, of course it was jammed packed and I had to sit in the second row and tilt my head back to watch the movie, but I'm not complaining. It seemed like all the mother's came, when Jacob (Taylor Lautner) took of his shirt you could hear all the mom's going "OOoooo and Oooohhh." And I was like Gee whiz lady, you could be his mother and you're drooling all overself and my shoes! But it was an experience none-the-less.
I'm kinda frustrated with myself because I've been working on my novel for awhile now, but I can't seem to make myself sit down and write. I don't think I have writers block or anything. I just feel like there's not enough hours in the day for me to do everything I wanna do. I feel like after I get done running here there and everywhere I don't wanna do anything else. I think I'm getting lazy in my old age. You know how I know I'm getting old? When I sit down or get up I sound like a Rice Krispy treat. Everything snack, crackles and pops! Ah, well with old age comes wisdom, so bring it on! lol.
Anyhoo, it's close to 3 am so I think I'm stop my random ramblings and hit the sack. The weekend is near so everyone can breath out one collective sigh of relief. Write more soon, don't touch that dial!

Guitar Hero

Anyone else out there totally addicted to Guitar Hero, like I am? Omigoodness! I played it for the first time the other day now I'm completely hooked. Not only are my fingers killing me and my wrists hurt but it was completely worth it! It kinda makes me wanna dress up like a full fledged rock star and jump around my living room! lol.
I was kinda disappointed tonight because my Ghost Adventures was a repeat but it was for an hour and half because they showed extra footage. I know I shouldn't complain because it's just a show but I have all the way til next Friday to see if it's a new episode or not! Phooey on them!
Not a whole lot going on in my neck of the woods, really. I ran into my Dad the other day, mind you it was no some big to do. My dad has never been a part of my life and it was like after I turned 18 and I couldn't get him for child support anymore he started coming around. I know it sounds horrible but I think to myself, if he didn't wanna see me or care enough to try and see for the past 26 years of my life why have a relationship now? I mean, I'm not writing anyone off but I really just don't see the point in it. They have a son and a daughter which whom I don't know that well but they seem to wanna know me. I wouldn't mind establishing a relationship with them because I am an only child but that's the good thing I could see coming out of this.
Anyways it's late and I don't really have much to say. But please stay tuned for the drama that is my life..........

Trust

So, I guess what's been on my mind lately is trust. What exactly makes you trust someone? Is it something they say or some kind of mannerism? I honestly don't know. I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth trusting anyone at all.
See, for a long time now I've been slowing building this wall around myself. It's not to keep people out intentionally it's to protect myself from being hurt. But someone people precieve it was being sneaky or just being cold hearted. I hate to say this about myself but I have trouble showing people love. It's not that I don't want to, it's like some unconscious part of myself won't allow me to. I've had this motto for awhile now it's "Everyone I love, leaves." I'm beginning to wonder if that isn't some of my own doing? Some people I think are just unnaturally hard to please. I'm good person, I'm down to earth and yet there's always someone out there who tries to make me feel less than. I don't know if it's cause I talk with a southern accent, and I like to laugh and I use my hands when I talk. Somehow, I always feel like a round peg being stuck in a square hole. I think this is mainly why I struggle with myself. I used to always said if I just disappeared no one in the world would even miss me being gone.
And then there's my love for animals. I can't help it ok? I love animals. Someone people say the reason I have so many is because I'm lonely and I'm trying to fill some void inside of myself. That's not the reason at all. The reason I have so many is because they don't judge me. They don't think I'm ugly, they don't care if I'm a failure. At the end of the day, the most comforting thing in the world to me is to sit down and watch a movie and have a cat laying, purring in my lap. What's so wrong with that? Does that make me weird? Does it make me some kind of freak of nature? I look at that cat who's sleeping so contentedly on my lap and just purring away and think that that is the purest form of love in the world. My animals never fail me, they are always there. Maybe that's why I have so many.
I'm sick and tired of feeling so inadequate, and I know what you're thinking. "Well, it's only by your own doing." Maybe some of it is, and sometimes people have more influence over you than you know. I've never claimed to have everything figured out, but aren't we all made different for a reason? So, why does it seem like being different is such a bad thing? I guess, maybe I stick out more because I'm from a small town and you see everyone you know at Wal-mart. I don't know what it is exactly. All I know is I'm trying to make my own way. So, why is everyone trying to hold me down?

You know what I did today? Absolutely nothing! You wanna know why? Because I'm lazy but you know what? It felt really good! lol! It's been nothing but cold and snowy here since Thursday and frankly it sucks!
So I've been having some trouble sleeping here lately, so it gives me some extra time to write in my blog and get some things out of my system. Why have I been having trouble sleeping you ask? That is a very good question and I wish I had to answer to it but I don't. I haven't been going to bed until 5 am and I won't tell you what time I've been getting up. I don't sleep mainly because I can't get my brain to shut up, I just lay there and think of everything from A to Z and before I know it it's like 4 am. I've been going through some things lately and I think that has to be a big part of it. I've debated on whether or not to put it out there for the world to see and I thought to myself why not? Maybe someone else has been through something similar and can't help me sort out the pieces of my heart.
So, let me break it down in a nut shell the best I can. I was with this man for 3 years. 1 and half of those years we were together and for a 6 month period we didn't talk at all. So, we startred to talk again late last year and things we not very good, at least on my end. Oh, I forgot the best part he lives about 230 miles away from me, fun fun huh? So, during the 6 months of no talking he took upon himself to find someone "better." And that was all fine and dandy (not really) . So, after starting to talk again I was in total agony because he was with someone else and I had to play the "friend." Now, I was used to the drive, I could handle that. The one thing I couldn't handle was being "the other woman." Which is what my role inevitably came. I wasn't happy with myself for letting things happen that way, but I loved him so I dealt with it. The kicker came when he was going through one of his "break-ups" with his current girlfriend and I would come running because I believed that this time he was really gonna leave and we would finally be together. Yeah, that was a great thought, but it nothing more than a mirage. You know why? After traveling all of those miles, he left me in a hotel room to go back to her. Mind you, I was out in the middle of nowhere and I had no way to get back home. And no, I don't own a GPS. I was absolutely beside myself with anger. The next morning he came back and showed me how to get home. So, I was upset for a very long time and vowed that I would never go back up there again. Do you think that happened? Nope! Stupid me, he says he wants to move into together so what do I do? You guessed it, I packed up all of my stuff and prepared to move up there with him (because this time they had broken up for good). Guess what happens this time? He tells me, that he's changed his mind and he doesn't think it's a good idea anymore. Guess where I was? In the middle of nowhere with no idea how to get home. Now, before you jump the gun and say "Man, this chick is an idiot!" Let me tell you something, I believe in unconditional love. I never thought in a million years he had the capacity to do these things to me, but he did them. I never. ever realized how unhappy I was until I had time to reflect on these things. I'll admit it, I was stupid and I was naive, but I learned a very valuable lesson. I know now that I could have lassoed the moon for him and it still wouldn't have him happy. But trying to make him happy was killing me. So, it was a catch 22. Anyhoo, enough about my love life. It's really not that interesting. This was more like some sort of therapy for me to just blurt everything out that I've been holding it. So, I may write more tomorrow. Hasta Leugo!

Numero Uno

For starters, I don't speak Spanish, lol! But I just watched "All About Steve" with Sandra Bullock in it, and it was hilarious! If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest it. She's a kind of dorky girl who makes the crosswords puzzles for a newspaper in California. She's kind of a loner but a long the path of figuring herself out and chasing this guy around she finds out that's it's good just to be herself. I suppose I relate to her character a lot, because I'm pretty dorky at heart. I would rather laugh than cry and I always try to see the humor in situations rather than looking at the downside. But hey, that's just me! :o) So, tonight's episode of Ghost Adventures was really good, as always! They were in Clovis, California at an abandoned sanitarium. Truth be told, I love to watch the show (mainly because I have a huge crush on Zak!) but I really don't think I would have the guts to go into some the places they investigate. I would probably pee in my pants and run screaming in the opposite direction. However, if Zak was a member of my investigation crew I might be able to make it, I mean with having something to hold onto and all, ha ha! So, I learned tonight that my Writing Professor is a Man vs Wild fan, which is really pretty cool because everyone else either doesn't know what it is or just thinks I'm totally crazy for watching survival shows. But hey, when times get tough and I know how to make a fishing rod out my underwear and a stick, you'll thank me for that, lol! There's really not a whole lot going on in my neck of the woods, we got 4 inches of snow yesterday! Whoopee! Note my enthusiasm about the snow, it's pretty to look at but it sucks having to drive in it. The way I see it, is Christmas is over and the snow should be too. I just wanted a little bit of snow for Christmas and then I want it to be 90 degrees the next day. So much for wishful thinking, huh? Well, I'm a little bit of a night owl so instead of filling this up with off the wall thoughts that pop into my head I think I will save this for tomorrow night. So, see ya then!